The definition of insanity as quoted from Albert Einstein proves to be quite apt when it comes to football.
“Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”
We all know what happened last Sunday. Our beloved Crystal Palace lost in crushing fashion (again). The winner for Everton came in the waning moments of the match (again).
Every week we do the same thing over and over again. Each week we know what is going to happen and yet we still show up and expect a different result. Every. Week.
I knew going into the game that I was in for heartbreak. Couldn’t tell you when it would happen or how, but I knew it was always lurking. You’re looking at a walking mush machine. I’m not sure if that is a term that is wildly used in England but, in America, mush is basically bad luck. It’s a term used in betting for someone that you would stay away from their picks. Not something you want around you. It’s a black cloud hanging over your head at all times.
Now, I’m not a betting man (I unfortunately did not win the most recent 1.6 billion dollar lottery in the States) but every team that I root for is a mess. Being born and raised in Minnesota, I am used to teams crushing my soul. The National Football League (NFL) team, the Vikings, are tied for the most Super Bowl losses without a win and have a long history of missing big kicks in the play-offs. The Major League Baseball (MLB) team, the Twins, have lost seven consecutive playoff series and thirteen straight play-off games overall. The National Basketball Association (NBA) team, the Timberwolves, are a laughingstock of the NBA with botched trades and a history of losing with only two play-off series wins out of eleven attempts. My teams know how to lose.
Which is why I am using this platform to officially apologise for bringing my losing culture, my heartbreak, my mush, to Palace. You can blame me of these last two years of constant late game heartbreak. I am sorry.
As I was going down this path of pity for myself I wondered just how often Palace were giving up late goals in games and how many points were lost because of doing so. Well, my friends, I did some very exhausting research (looking at every past fixture on the Premier League website) and I hope you are sitting down as you are reading this.
According to my research, starting with the 2016/17 season, Palace have conceded 22 goals in the final five minutes of games. On average, once a month the Eagles will lose a match in such a way that leaves you scratching your head in disbelief.
When you expand the search to cover all goals scored in the first five minutes and the last five minutes of either half and that total becomes scary.
Anyone want to guess as to what this number is?
It’s 46! According to my math (admittedly not strong but just trust me here) it is more likely than not that Palace will allow a goal either within the first five minutes or the last five minutes of a half. Each match there is a 50/50 chance that an opponent would score a goal during this twenty minute stretch. That is insane.
As you could have guessed, these occurrences happen more often at home (eleven in each of the previous two years and already the number is four this season) and the loss in points have been damning. There is a clear breakdown in tactics during the beginning of a half and followed at the end of the half.
Now, the bright side is that we have scored our share of goals that fit the above criteria (25 to be exact) and despite all of these goals that would have killed lesser teams, Palace continue to stand and fight. And that is what we, as fans, need to do as well.
The month ahead is the toughest I can remember during my Palace lifetime. Arsenal are playing their best football in years as they stroll into Selhurst this weekend. Palace then travel to Stamford Bridge to take on a Chelsea team that is rejuvenated by Maurizio Sarri and led by 2018 Player of the Year winner Eden Hazard. Following Chelsea is the inevitable 1-0 loss to the Spurs because it happens every time (well, not every time. Only five of the last six Premier League matches). After all of that, Palace visit Old Trafford and Manchester United. With our luck, they will get the good United, not the United that lost to both West Ham United and Brighton (yuck).
On Sunday I will be glued to my television once again to watch this team. Despite the result, I’ll be back glued to my television screen next week. And the week after that. Followed by the week after until the end of time. Because I’m one of the many insane Palace fans, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
A Palace legend summed it up perfectly with a late night post on his Instagram story this week;
It’s not Palace if it isn’t hard ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
UP THE PALACE!!!!!!
