Easter is meant to be a time for celebration, excitement and excess.
The religious factions reflect on the life and death of a carpenter in the Middle East, who was big on motivational speaking and forgiveness. His craft was not so much shaped around his intricate woodworking skills, but his ability to turn water into wine.
For those non-believers of miracle working carpenters, the weekend is lauded for the additional two days off work and the carte blanche to herald the beginning of ‘summer’ in a bar, restaurant, park or anywhere outside the capital.
For those in these hallowed web walls, the third cog in the Easter wheel has always been the relentless football festival that the top two divisions in particular provide. The weekend that symbolises all that is both right and wrong about the English approach to fixture planning and congestion, where it seems teams are playing more games than there are days.
Imagine the horror that unfolded at TEB HQ when the penny dropped that Gibraltar and Liechtenstein on Thursday was a taste of what was to come for the days ahead. No hint of the celebration or excitement that accompanies excessive amounts of club football over Easter.
Is this what the world’s most famous carpenter died for? For his name to be tarnished by the dross that these international friendlies inevitably churn out?
Even though the European Championships are around the corner and the games offer a glimpse into how the qualified nations might set up their sides, the reality is that they are used more for tinkering and experimentation at the expense of spectacle. The Ireland victory over Switzerland in Dublin on Friday night was evidence of that.
What about our needs?
Here at TEB, we were looking forward to the chocolate feast that awaited us as we prepared to again moan about Palace’s poor run of form. Poring over those deficiencies in detail venting our distaste as we continue to come to terms with languishing in sixteenth place.
What now will be the subject of office small talk, now that the weekly moan about Palace’s capitulation has been put on ice?
Given that our go to material such as penalty decisions, goalkeeper selections, profligate strikers and Pardew’s ego are off the table, it will result in many of us having to enquire about our colleagues weekends…
‘I hear Devon is beautiful Colin. Tell me the story again about how tasty your fish and chips were. It was hilarious the first three times. How was the traffic on Friday?’
Perhaps our frustrations at this gaping hole in our Easter break and the trauma it has caused many will lead to a series of breakdowns in the post-traumatic stress mould. Picture it Tuesday when Margaret returns from her lunch in Pret, grinning ear-to-ear at her meal which came free as a result of the loyalty points she accrued by eating there every day.
Before you have time to think, you find yourself in a crisis meeting with the head of HR, facing the sack after a twelve minute rant at poor Margaret about how unworthy she was of all those Pret loyalty points. You did after all once see Alan Pardew nut someone in a Pret in 1990, so you feel you should be entitled to at least four meals for you and your family.
Is this what Jesus would have wanted? For us to be deprived of the Palace related misery we are entitled to?
Either way, I am going to take a leaf out of his book, rise in a few days and forget this debacle ever happened. I cannot promise I will be as forgiving as him though.
