I have come up with an ingenious business plan.
It can’t fail.
I’ve been studying the latest trend, the one you can’t fail to notice.
Everyone now wants Leicester to win the Premier League don’t they? Plucky little Leicester so far ahead of the clubs who have dominated the Premier League for 20 years.
What a story!
And they visit Selhurst Park next weekend.
Surely an opportunity for a nice little earner.
But I don’t want to rush in. I’ve watched ‘The Apprentice’ so I reckon I ought to do some market research first.
Here’s how it went:
“Hey”
“Hi”
“Could I ask you a couple of questions?”
“I’d rather you didn’t”
“Oh”
“But you have stalked me as I walked up the platform and the damn train is late”
“I promise to leave you alone once we get to Coulsdon South”
“How about Merstham?”
“The end of the tunnel?”
“Fine. Get on with it”
“Thanks … Ok here goes … Isn’t it fantastic how well Leicester are doing?”
“I guess”
“Beating City, United and Arsenal to the title …”
“Spose”
“We’ll see Vardy, Mahrez and the 9 other blokes at Selhurst Park”
“I know. Looking forward to it”
“We might get to see Gary Lineker presenting Match of the Day in just his pants”
“Let’s not go there”
“Fair point. Think of Ranieri instead. His previous job was managing Greece and they lost to the Faroe Islands. That is worse than losing to Villa …”
“We lost to Villa …”
“… err true”
“But the Leicester story is great. We all thought they would have fallen apart by now”
“True”
“This could be a one-off season”
“Very probably”
“One worth celebrating perhaps?”
“In what way?”
“I’m glad you asked”
“I’m already regretting asking …”
“I’ve had what I think is a great idea”
“Ok”
“But
“So would you buy a Palace and Leicester half and half scarf?”
“You’re kidding”
“But Leicester is such a great story … ”
“A half and half scarf? You’re kidding”
“No. I’m celebrating the most surprising football season for years”
“With a scarf?”
“Well yes”
“A half and half scarf! A cheaply manufactured piece of toot that will be relevant for no more than a hour and a half”
“Toot is harsh”
“Look mate, they’ll probably spell Leicester wrong”
“I doubt it. It’s a huge story all over the world”
“I can’t think of anyone I know who would buy a half and half scarf in any circumstance.”
“What if they were cold?”
“If I was stark naked at the South Pole, and you came and offered me a half and half scarf, I would think very seriously about saying ‘No'”
“It might be cold on Saturday…”
“Look, Leicester winning the League is great. Good luck to them. But if it wasn’t them winning the League it would be some other team I don’t support winning it.”
“I’ve had another idea”
“Is it better than a flipping scarf?”
“Maybe not”
“Is it a Joe Ledley replica beard?”
“How did you guess?”
